Tender mercies

This last week was when our third child should have been born.  I didn't think it would hit me like it did.  I was "fine".  It got me thinking about all of the hundreds of thousands of women who have been through the same thing.  Bottom line is it is hard!

As my different emotions surfaced, anger, sadness, confusion, emptiness etc, I was eventually brought to gratitude.  I know this is kind of weird and surprised even me.  I am going to share an experience that is very dear to my heart.  An experience that led me to the conclusion that I had something to be grateful for.

When I was about 19 years old my grandmother passed away.  Within the next year I was deciding what school I should go to, where I should live etc.  I had a dream with my grandmother in it.  She was in a rocking chair and "woke" up to speak with me.  She said these words to me," I cannot tell you what school to go to or where to live but I can tell you I am watching your kids."

I didn't think much of it at the time but I had the impression to write the dream down.

Fast forward 10 years.  My husband and I have gone through 2 miscarriages and are having a hard time figuring out why we don't have children yet.  Looking through my old stuff I found the journal entry about this dream.  Peace hit me so hard I couldn't help but cry.  I knew my grandmother was watching our children.  There is no other person I can think of that I would want watching over my unborn children.

I know my children are well cared for.  I know that as we go through the hardships of infertility there are tender mercies all around us.  I know that whatever brings us peace and comfort through these hard times is what we should seek after.  

Things I didn't expect.

Keep in mind there are a lot of ways a body can react to the process of IVF.  As a result there are a million and one different scenarios that can happen.  Your doctor will have an answer to what your treatment should look like.  My advice is BE FLEXIBLE.  Go with the flow.  At this point you have hopefully chosen a doctor you trust.  Ask questions and most of all enjoy the journey.  You are following the path you and your partner feel is the best for you and your future babies.

These are a few things that could come up while going through IVF:
- Blood draw and ultrasound every other day or more while on the Follicle Stimulating Hormone injections.
- Feeling like your in the very early stages of pregnancy.  Feelings of nausea, fatigue, heightened emotions, increased need to urinate, sensitivity to smells, etc...
- Needing to run to the doctors office to pick up shots or medications you will need for that night.
- Slight discomfort, pain and a feeling of being bloated in your lower abdomen due to the growing size of your ovaries
- Changes in the amount of medication in your injections.  This will be explained to you by your doctor or nurse.
- An overall feeling of something is different or off.
- Changes is what medications you were originally planned to take.  This will be decided by your doctor.
- Not knowing exact dates of things.  Everyone's body progresses differently.  They offer projected dates for retrievals and embryo transfers but they can only predict the dates.  Your body decides the actual timing of things.
- Expect a period 3-5 days after you stop your medications\injections
- It can take your body a while to adjust after procedures.  I was so bloated I looked 4 months pregnant for about a week after my first retrieval.  Be sure to call your doctor if you have ANY concerns for what is going on in your body.
-Don't expect all the eggs they retrieve to result in an embryo.  I was told that about 20 -25% of eggs result in an embryo.  For women with PCOS you may get a lot of embryos but they may be of fair to poor quality verses excellent to good.  All embryos can result in a live birth.

These were just a few things I didn't know before beginning the process of IVF.  Every experience is different!