This last night everything finally caught up to me. I had been feeling "fine" and like I had accepted our last miscarriage. I was wrong.
The last few weeks I have been staying busy. Working, Holidays, vacations etc. I had decided that I need to start school... again. If any of you are like me when you decide to do something you want to do it right then and there. I was searching for a way to get back to school and still work and essentially fill my life with things to do. Until last night when I was talking with someone I hold dear to me. They basically told me to SLOW DOWN and allow yourself to feel. I just thought she was being rude but upon thinking more deeply about the WHY's of needing to go to school asap and all other things I came to one rough realization.
I was trying to fill up my feeling of failure to have kids with going back to school where I felt I was sure to find success because I was in control.
These realizations only brought on a whole slew of emotion as well as new questions. Mainly regarding my worth as a woman. This question entered my mind. How do you help a woman feel her self worth when her belief system her entire life has been that her worth comes from becoming a wife and having children. I realize that many of my good friends and family who are still waiting for Mr right or struggling with infertility may be struggling with some of these feelings of feeling worthless. You are not alone.
As I cried and pondered that question, I came across an article about gaining self confidence. I consider myself a confident person but I felt inclined to read this article. As I read this article one topic in particular stuck out to me. Shed off limited beliefs. I needed to read this.
Growing up I was taught in my place of worship that all you needed to do to be happy is be morally clean, find a man with the same morals, get married, have lots of babies and live happily ever after. Maybe I wasn't taught these things specifically but it is what I heard. Now that I am older I realize that my perception growing up of what I was being taught has given me limited beliefs of myself as a woman. I am not saying I was taught false things or that what I was taught was wrong. I am saying that as a teenager I heard what I wanted to hear and am now needing to adjust some of those things I heard and had accepted into my life as what a woman should be. I want to say to all the women out there who are struggling with feeling their individual worth because they are not married or they are struggling to have children.
YOUR WORTH AS A PERSON IS NOT BASED ON IF YOU ARE MARRIED OR IF YOU HAVE CHILDREN.
There is so much more to us than those things. We know many women around me who are incredible. They have struggled or are struggling with some of the exact same things. We find them amazing. How are we any different? We are not. We just need to practice some self love. I encourage you to read this article and find your own ways to relinquish yourself of limited beliefs and build yourself up with a confidence that you are amazing! Give yourself permission to be confident because you are who you are and you are beautiful!
http://www.finerminds.com/personal-growth/how-to-boost-your-self-confidence
