The results are in...

We got the results back today from our 16 embryos.  The genetic test that would tell us how many chances we have at bringing a child into this world.  Out of our 16 embryos that they were able to biopsy and freeze we got 6 healthy or normal embryos that could potentially be children.  We understand that the tiny balls of cells have to withstand the harsh defrosting process as well as 9 months in utero but we are hopeful.  Out of the 56 eggs they retrieved, 44 were mature enough to fertilize, 35 fertilized normally and 16 made it to biopsy.  Out of the 16 we got, 6 embryos we can use.  Of the 16 embryos we had only 2 that had the inversion.  The rest had other things wrong with them which would have caused a miscarriage or no pregnancy at all.  These other things may or may not have been because of the inversion, they don't know for sure.  They do know people with an inversion generally have more trisomy or monosomy issues in their embryos.  (Monosomy = missing one strand of a specific chromosome.  Trisomy = An extra strand on a specific chromosome.)  They also know that a normal woman, in my age group, generally have 40% of their eggs that have some sort of issue with their egg that will result in a miscarriage or no pregnancy at all even if it gets fertilized.

Now all we have to do is decide how many to implant and which sex we would like our child to be...if we decide to go that route!  Ultimately we just want a baby to come into our lives healthy and strong.

I do feel there comes a point when doing all WE can do to get kids here is over and the rest is up to the Lord.  Every couple will reach this place at a different time of the process and whatever the place is for you and your other, remember that following the peace is always a sure way to do what your 'supposed' to do.  If there is confusion, take a step back and look at the question again.  Just remember that you and your husband are able to receive that answer for your family!

Retrieval 2

For those of you following our journey...it has been a while since I have updated what we are doing.  We are currently finishing up our second egg retrieval.  This time around my body has been responding in a more healthy manner.  I haven't really noticed that things are going on except the occasional nausea, bloating and my stomach is more sensitive to the injections.  After we retrieve we will wait until the embryos are old enough (5 or 6 days) to biopsy and then we will send all or some of our biopsies, from the embryos, off to see which ones do not have an inverted chromosome.  We should get those results pretty quick.  After we get the results we will be ready to move forward with the process of implantation.  We are excited to be able to move on to the implantation and yet we approaching the process with caution emotionally.  We are grateful to all who have been a part of this process,  It is pretty amazing that people can have babies who wouldn't have been able to years ago.  I will post once we get more fun stuff to talk about.

With this retrieval we got 28 eggs...which is a ton and how many we retrieved last time!  25 of them were mature and 18 fertilized normally.  As of day 3...monday, we have 16 good embryos and 2 fair.  Last time we had 28 eggs, 19 were mature and 16 fertilized normally.  On day 3 we had 16 embryos, 2 excellent 8 good and 4 fair or something.  We are hoping to biopsy day 5.  Last time we had to wait until day 6.  More to come!  

Here's the update.  On day 5 they biopsied 4 embryos...3 good and 1 fair.  They needed to grow the other 14 another day.  Day 6 they were able to biopsy and freeze 3 more.  We got a total of 7 embryos from this batch.  

All in all we feel pretty good.  We got 16 embryos...which is about 14 more than your average couple that does IVF.  They sent the embryos biopsies off to the lab so they could test them for the genetic inversion.  We should get results back within 24 to 48 hours.  The results will tell us how many embryos we have that can actually be used.  They will also tell us how many boys and how many girls we have.  We are excited and nervous!  The next step is transferring or implantation.  Then the real work begins!

Bitter to Sweet

"Life is like a box of chocolates.  You never know what your going to get."  Forrest Gump

I don't think I really got what this meant until getting older.  

We are born into this life without a clue as to what this life has in store for us.  That is both the beauty and the beast of life.  

Growing up we anticipate growing up, getting married, conquering the world, or not, and living happily ever after.  Little do we know that we have little control over what happens in our lives.  

Some people get cancer that will decide the quality of the rest of their life.  Some people are victim to abuse,verbally, physically, sexually, emotionally...all of which can decide a persons lifestyle.  Some people are riddled with diseases to which they did nothing in order to "deserve" them.  Others will have challenges that may not be physical but of a mental nature.  No matter what our challenges may be in this life there is one thing we can remember...Chocolate comes in many different flavors.  They range from bitter to sweet.  

Through our trials or after the fact there is a sweetness or a joy for overcoming something that was so hard for us.   

I have a friend who was blessed to get pregnant rather quickly. I was honestly jealous that it would be so easy.  Recently she was informed by a doctor that at 7 months pregnant she may have breast cancer.  I have been humbled by her and the grace with which she has been going through this trying time.  I also was humbled to learn that even the most silver of linings can have a dark corner.  In the end there can be sweetness.  Sweetness in knowing that we are submitting ourselves to the will of the Father and becoming like him even when it can be very uncomfortable and downright difficult.  

I work at a hospital for women with eating disorders.  Working here I have learned that to each individual person different things are challenging.  Each patient where I work has had something in their life that has led them to an eating disorder.  Working with these amazing women I have learned that it is not in human nature to like things that are hard.  We much rather prefer the easy route in life.  I have also learned that our choices may take us on our paths but we are not in charge of what obstacles may lie in those pathways.  BUT...it is our choice to look at the obstacle and rely on what we know about our Heavenly Father to get us through.  He does not find joy in watching us struggle.  He finds joy in watching us overcome the hurdles or bitter sweetness in life.  

There is a young couple I know who have a son that was born with a cleft palette.  This young boy has been through a lot in his short life so far.  His father was talking about a spiritual experience he had with his son who was struggling for life at the time.  He told my husband and I that his son chose the body he had because he knew it was what he needed in this life to help perfect him and get him back into the presence of his Heavenly Father.  

I know that we chose the lives we have.  We didn't know the circumstances or specifics but we did jump for joy to know that we could come here to be tested and tried and put through the refiners fire.  For some that may be overcoming an addiction or bumpy past.  For others that is learning to trust in his will and timing.  Each of us has the capabilities and divine birthright to overcome the bitterness of life.  We can find the sweetness that is in the box of life.    

I know that this life is not easy.  It is just going to get harder.  I also know that we are children of a heavenly Father who in fact loves us!  He cries when we are at our bedsides pleading for him to take away our pains.  

I think of our savior in the garden of Gethsemane...the chosen one.  He pleaded with the Father to not have him go through what he went through.  In the end he said: nevertheless, thy will be done."  

I know that we can and will spend our entire lives trying to understand what it means to turn our will to the Fathers.  I also know that each time we complain, falter, turn away, and feel like we cannot go back, it is not so.  He is there waiting for us.  He is there to offer help. He is there to strengthen us.  All we need to do is ask.  

Tender mercies

This last week was when our third child should have been born.  I didn't think it would hit me like it did.  I was "fine".  It got me thinking about all of the hundreds of thousands of women who have been through the same thing.  Bottom line is it is hard!

As my different emotions surfaced, anger, sadness, confusion, emptiness etc, I was eventually brought to gratitude.  I know this is kind of weird and surprised even me.  I am going to share an experience that is very dear to my heart.  An experience that led me to the conclusion that I had something to be grateful for.

When I was about 19 years old my grandmother passed away.  Within the next year I was deciding what school I should go to, where I should live etc.  I had a dream with my grandmother in it.  She was in a rocking chair and "woke" up to speak with me.  She said these words to me," I cannot tell you what school to go to or where to live but I can tell you I am watching your kids."

I didn't think much of it at the time but I had the impression to write the dream down.

Fast forward 10 years.  My husband and I have gone through 2 miscarriages and are having a hard time figuring out why we don't have children yet.  Looking through my old stuff I found the journal entry about this dream.  Peace hit me so hard I couldn't help but cry.  I knew my grandmother was watching our children.  There is no other person I can think of that I would want watching over my unborn children.

I know my children are well cared for.  I know that as we go through the hardships of infertility there are tender mercies all around us.  I know that whatever brings us peace and comfort through these hard times is what we should seek after.  

Things I didn't expect.

Keep in mind there are a lot of ways a body can react to the process of IVF.  As a result there are a million and one different scenarios that can happen.  Your doctor will have an answer to what your treatment should look like.  My advice is BE FLEXIBLE.  Go with the flow.  At this point you have hopefully chosen a doctor you trust.  Ask questions and most of all enjoy the journey.  You are following the path you and your partner feel is the best for you and your future babies.

These are a few things that could come up while going through IVF:
- Blood draw and ultrasound every other day or more while on the Follicle Stimulating Hormone injections.
- Feeling like your in the very early stages of pregnancy.  Feelings of nausea, fatigue, heightened emotions, increased need to urinate, sensitivity to smells, etc...
- Needing to run to the doctors office to pick up shots or medications you will need for that night.
- Slight discomfort, pain and a feeling of being bloated in your lower abdomen due to the growing size of your ovaries
- Changes in the amount of medication in your injections.  This will be explained to you by your doctor or nurse.
- An overall feeling of something is different or off.
- Changes is what medications you were originally planned to take.  This will be decided by your doctor.
- Not knowing exact dates of things.  Everyone's body progresses differently.  They offer projected dates for retrievals and embryo transfers but they can only predict the dates.  Your body decides the actual timing of things.
- Expect a period 3-5 days after you stop your medications\injections
- It can take your body a while to adjust after procedures.  I was so bloated I looked 4 months pregnant for about a week after my first retrieval.  Be sure to call your doctor if you have ANY concerns for what is going on in your body.
-Don't expect all the eggs they retrieve to result in an embryo.  I was told that about 20 -25% of eggs result in an embryo.  For women with PCOS you may get a lot of embryos but they may be of fair to poor quality verses excellent to good.  All embryos can result in a live birth.

These were just a few things I didn't know before beginning the process of IVF.  Every experience is different!

Eggcellent

It has been a while since I have last posted.  A lot and not a lot has happened since then.  Last Monday, June 8th, we started injections to begin our first egg retrieval in our IVF cycles.  It has been a new experience.  My husband and I went to a class that explained how the entire cycle should go assuming everything goes according to plan.  At this class they had us practice mixing the medications we would likely be using.  Once the time came to start the injections it was exciting!  We were finally starting IVF.  After giving myself a shot for two nights at the same time they had me go in for a blood test to make sure my body was reacting appropriately and not getting to much or too little.  Two days later I had an ultrasound and another blood test.  At this ultrasound, only 5 days after beginning the injections, the counted and measured all the follicles growing in my ovaries.  They found quite a few.  It was exciting to think that one of those little follicles that looks like a hole in my ovary could one day be a child.  Everything looked good.  Two days later I had another ultrasound and blood test.  They measured the follicles once again and I couldn't believe how big they were getting.  I asked the nurse how much they grow and she said your ovaries start as the size of a walnut and by the time we were ready to retrieve the eggs my ovaries would be about the size of a grapefruit!  The ideal follicle size was about 19 millimeters or the size of a quarter.  Crazy!  I couldn't believe her except I could feel the pressures and pains from my overgrown ovaries.  Needless to say it was not time to take the shot that would trigger me to ovulate which is a high dosage of HCG or a Lupron shot.  They have found it causes ones body to trigger ovulation exactly 36 hours later.  This knowledge allows the doctors to go in at hour 35 and retrieve the eggs at the peak of their maturity!  One more day to go...I went in the next day for another ultrasound to measure the follicles.  Some of the follicles had grown 3 to 5 millimeters.  Which is crazy considering they expect them to grow 1 to 2 militers a day once they reach a certain point.  I had 9 follicles that were mature and 4 more that were a millimeter short.  As of right now I am waiting for the nurse to tell me if I get to take my trigger shot or if I need to wait one more day so as to allow the remaining few follicles to mature.  On Tuesday June 16th I had an ultrasound and there was a large number of eggs that were mature.  They had me take my trigger shot that evening.  I did a Lupron shot because they were nervous I was going to hyper stimulate.  Ovarian hyper stimulation Syndrome is usually uncomfortable and can lead to serious issues if not monitored by a doctor.  I took my trigger shot at 10:00 pm on Tuesday and was scheduled for 9:00am on Thursday morning.  We had to get there at 8:30 so my husband could make his deposit so everything was ready when the eggs were harvested and rested for a little while.
The had me out on a hospital gown and a hair net.  I wasn't supposed to wear anything too smelly because embryos and eggs are sensitive to smells.  Weird huh?  My husband and I waited for a little while and they finally took me back.  They had me lay in a chair kind of like a dentist chair but it had stirrups at the bottom.  I laid down and the anesthesiologist talked to me.  Then the embryologist explained his role and then I was out!  I took a great nap for about 30 minutes.  I woke up quickly...they say and was on my way home within a half an hour of waking up.  They told me they had retrieved 28 eggs!  That is a lot apparently.  Before we left the Dr, talked to me and told me that women with PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome) usually make a lot of eggs but the eggs are a poorer quality resulting in a poorer quality embryo.  I didn't get what he meant until a few days later.
They called us the next morning telling us that of the 28 eggs, 19 were mature and 16 fertilized normally.  I told my husband happy fathers day...you have 16 children.  I was laying flat for the next few days as I didn't feel the best.  The nurse called us on Sunday morning...day 3 of embryo development and told us we still had 16 embryos.  They rated the embryos this day.  Kind of like giving them a grade.  We had 2 excellent, 8 good, 3 fair and 3 poor.  She also mentioned that not all of them would survive to day 5 when they were to biopsy.  On day 5 she called me again and our embryos were not ready to biopsy so we had to wait another day.  On day 6 she called and told me they were able to biopsy and freeze 9 embryos.  Of the embryos they froze they were only fair and poor quality.  These can still result in a child it's just a little less likely.
As of right now we have 9 children or embryos and are waiting to do our second and final retrieval  before testing the biopsy samples.  9 embryos is a lot!  Unfortunately they aren't the best quality and  them having survived this long doesn't mean they are free of the genetic mutation we are trying to avoid.  Only time will tell if IVF is going to work.

The process of in-vitro

When we decided In Vitro Fertilization was what we needed to do our first step was to find a doctor to go to.  We visited with the first fertility doctor we ever used as well as one that was recommended to us by a close family member.  We essentially interviewed both doctors and got all the information we could from both of them.  My husband and I then weeded through what we wanted out of a doctor and what we didn't.  Eventually we just felt better about the doctor that was recommended to us.  The next step will differ from doctor to doctor.  In our case the next step was to get some tests done that our doctor required so that he could give us the best options on what to do.  

Our first "test" in the IVF process was to figure out my OAR (Ovarian Assessment Report).  This test, in essence, is a blood test that allows doctors to assess how the woman's body would react to fertility treatments.  At least that is how I understand it.  It uses a number of factors about a woman's body in a specific equation to tell doctors about how many eggs you have left as well as the quality of the eggs and how well you would react to the medications they will use to stimulate egg production.  Some of these factors include age as well as a number or different hormones in your body.

Along with the OAR blood test they also did an ultrasound.  In this ultrasound they will look at your ovaries and count the number of antral follicles you have.  Antral follicles basically look like little holes in your ovaries in the ultrasound.  The number of follicles you have can help give them a good estimate of how many eggs you have left.  Crazy huh?

At this point you have made some big decisions and your doctor has put you on birth control which seems counterproductive but its all a part of the process and you are anxious to get into the meat and potatoes of the process.  At this point you are exactly where we are in our process.  Awaiting the day when you can start doing whatever the doctor tells you to in order to make your dreams of having a baby a reality.  I am still in awe that modern medicine has made it possible for people to have children. People with certain health issues that would have rendered a woman infertile in the olden days.  

I will continue to add as the process unravels.