Tuesday, March 1, 2016

Hulkosterone

Here's the update:
The week before presidents day I was told that our next step would be for me to have a procedure called a hysteroscopy.  Landry and I weren't sure if we were ready to move forward.  After a few long talks and some serious thinking about it we decided it was time to get it done. 
A Hysteroscopy is a minor surgical procedure where they put under anesthesia while the doctor explores your uterus with a scope.  They are looking for polyps, fibroids, scare tissue and any sign of infection.  They put you under so they can remove things if they find anything. 
I called the doctor Monday morning and told them we were ready to get the procedure done.  I called her on day 11 of my cycle...that was the last day they would be able to do the procedure without us needing to wait another month.  I prepared to just wait another month but had a silent prayer in my heart that if we needed to get it done now it would all figure itself out.  The nurse called me and there had been a cancelation that day.  People at work were amazing and I was able to get the Hysteroscopy done a few hours later. 
As we drove to the doctors office we were hopeful they would find something...anything that could explain our recurrent miscarriages.  The doctor talked to us for a minute beforehand and informed us of what would happen if they found anything.  Finding something  would add months onto our being able to implant again.  I wasn't sure if I wanted them to find something or not. 
I got in my pretty robe, hospital slippers and hair net.  They took me back and an hour later I was waking up in recovery.  (I must say the best part of all of this is probably the anesthesia?  Best sleep I ever get!)  Anyways.  I am waking up...still out of it and things are just flying out of my mouth that I would otherwise not say.  Luckily my husband is stuck with me.  Enter the doctor.  He shows me photos of my lovely uterus.  Everything looked good except there was the possibility of one polyp. He said it wasn't in a place he was worried about but they biopsied it and we would get results in a week. 
We go home and I sleep off the remnants of the anesthesia.
 A week goes by and I didn't get a phone call so I assume that they found nothing...once again.  It's kind of frustrating and a let down but a relief too.  It is hard to spend money, that was originally intended for a trip to Disneyland, on another test or another gamble. 
A few days later.  I get a phone call from one of the nurses from the doctors office.  She tells me that I did in fact have a polyp and now get to go on a type of  progesterone that helps to calm polyps.  I get to be on it for an entire month!  If the Hulk had an evil sister who had an acne flair up...I'd be her while taking the pill form of progesterone.  But...it must be done.
After the hulkosterone they will put me on birth control and then things will be decided from there on when we want to implant again. 

Take it easy.

I have been pondering a few different things.  The first is our inability to adequately communicate about loss. 
Let's say someone has lost their spouse to cancer.  One of our first responses is to reassure them that they will be fine because they can marry again or find someone new.  I don't see how this is sensitive to their situation.  Same goes for people who have lost a child or pregnancy.  We try to comfort them and say well...you can try again or maybe it will work next time. These "reassurances" completely diminish the fact that this person is struggling and hurting right now.  Loss is a part of life.  Everyone will experience loss in their life.  The best thing we can do is listen.  Really listen.
This leads me to the next thing I have been thinking about.  Everyone will experience loss in their lifetime.  Everyone will work through their loss in a different way.  I want to give an example to help get my thoughts across. 
We have 2 different people.  One of them has been abused and the others parents were divorced.  We as a society will feel more sympathy for the person who had been abused.  We kind ofjust give the other person a pat on the back and tell them "it happens".  While they are not the same, my point is this. The divorce can feel like as much of a loss to that  person as the abuse did to the other person.  We are all wired differently and things affect us differently.  It is our differences that make us beautiful!  My hope is that we don't judge people by the way they get through their losses.   
While I don't think we "signed up" for bad things to happen.  We did come here to earth to be tested and tried.  We will never hear our higher power say that we went through that one trial the wrong way.  Especially if our hearts are in the right place. When we are in our trials we are strengthening our realization that we are amazing!  You are doing the best you can with what you know.  While it hurts in the moment, each trial helps us grow that much more.  Take it easy on yourself.