The results are in...

Wednesday and Thursday were a struggle this week.  The hope and peace I had felt were clouded over by doubt.  I was having anxiety that maybe those feelings of hope and peace I had were wrong.  Maybe we were supposed to do a cycle of in-vitro but it wasn't supposed to work. I wouldn't say I was a mess because deep down the underlying feeling was peaceful but it was disheartening.

In the midst of feeling so confused I listened to a talk by Dieter F. Uchtdorf.  He talked about how in the moment you decide to move towards God is the same moment that blessings are showered upon you.  He talked about how the light will take over in your life and provide feelings of peace.  He then mentioned how the darkness you felt before will not disappear right away, but gradually, as you continually move towards God.  I felt the truth of those words in that moment.  I knew that I had been feeling the beautiful sunshine of my God's love and in that moment I was feeling the darkness of emotions from so many failed years of trying to conceive.  

Thursday morning rolls around and I am nervous to get my blood drawn or rather nervous to get the results.  On the way there I try to imagine all the anxiety and emotions I was feeling draining out of me and going into a giant balloon.  The balloon filled with many different colors and emotions, past and present.  I gave that balloon to my Savior and had to give myself permission to let him have it.  It was a good exercise for me and allowed me to find the peace and comfort once again.  

A few hours after getting my blood drawn the nurse calls from the doctors office.  I answer and the nurse goes right into telling me my hcg number.  They were a lot higher than I had anticipated.  We were in fact pregnant.  The pregnancy test I took at home wasn't lying.  I was relieved...and then nervous.  

It is amazing how the journey's that we take promote so many different emotions.  In the end the only thing that matters is if you feel peace about your decision.  There is something about going through a trial.  Something so hard it hurts to think about...but in the end the world feels right because you felt peaceful.  

I encourage you to follow that peace.  Seek after it and do what you need to in order to feel it.  In the end of all your life and even at the end of your day.  If you followed the peace, you will be at peace.

As a side note...yes we do know the gender of our child already.  We thank you for respecting our decision to announce the gender when we are ready, in our own way.  When it happens, you can be sure we will post something on this blog.