It's been a while

This last little while has been...in a word...interesting.  I have struggle with being able to completely enjoy this journey in some ways because I feel I am being insensitive to those who are still on their journey to having children.  This is the reason I only share via my blog.  I want to still be as sensitive as possible to those who are on their journey. 

This post is going to be my way to enjoy this journey and to challenge my thoughts of my sharing being insensitive.

There have been some things that have been easy about pregnancy and some things that have been challenging.  The most challenging thing is the irritability!  I have always been an emotional  person but being pregnant my filter is GONE and I feel out of control at times.  I remind myself that it is hormones and it helps but it seems so real and warranted in the moment! 

Most all other things I enjoy...honestly.  I love my growing belly, I love to feel baby move and kick.  Just this week Landry was able to feel her move.  It was great!  She is becoming more and more active.  I have felt her move since 12 weeks.  Early, I know.  I love feeling her moves get more and more frequent and strong.  I love when people ask me if I am pregnant...which has only happened once as I am not showing a ton yet.   I know that I am only halfway but so far it has been a great ride.  I know that the body changes will get more dramatic and I will  be uncomfortable but in the end I LOVE being able to feel this little lady's spirit and energy.  This miracle inside me. 

Tomorrow will mark 20 weeks of pregnancy.  We are at a point that we worry less each day and get more excited to meet our little girl.  Today we had our mid pregnancy ultrasound.  It was a little nerve wrecking to start as we went into the same room where we found out about some of our miscarriages.  That feeling quickly dissipated as the technician began and our baby came into view.  The technician explained all the measurements and what we were looking at.  After a little walking and some rolling from side to side to get the little lady in the right positions we got all the information and photos we needed.  The technician said she looked great!  Our due date is still July 15th and then the visit was over.  It was such a wonderful, dreamlike experience as she moved wiggled and rolled.  She sucked her thumb in one photo and  at another the technician was trying to measure one of her feet but she had a hold of with her hand.  The technician was able to gently nudge her into taking her hand off her foot long enough to get a picture of her perfect little foot.  In the end we were happy to see her little profile and to find out that she was in fact a girl.  We feel so grateful to be a part of this experience.  We were relieved to hear that baby Reynolds looked good. 
Here are some photos of today and the last few months.

19 weeks 6 days ^

 

Baby Reynolds Profile^

Baby Reynolds Feet...She showed us both of her feet after letting go of her one foot for the photo.^

We appreciate all the prayers, love, support, and all the amazing people we are surrounded by.  We look forward to raising our child with the same wonderful people in her life. 

Words cannot describe how this journey has changed us and we are ready for the changes ahead.  We know what it is like to be on the opposite end, wanting, waiting and hoping.  Feeling unworthy of children or that we didn't deserve them.  An experience like this changes one FOREVER.  It is a refiners fire like nothing some will ever experience.  I hope that those of you waiting, hoping and wanting know just how much I truly feel for you.  There is nothing comparable to the dark road of infertility.  Nothing can fill the empty feelings and the self doubt and all the things that come with trying to have children.  I know and understand the sting.  I pray that you will feel the peace and see the blessings that do come even in the darkest of times.  Follow the peaceful feelings you have and I know you will find even more peace in knowing you did His will.