In the midst of struggling with infertility, or any trial for that matter, it is natural to question our beliefs in God and his mindfulness and love for us individually. We wonder if he really knows what is best for us because if he did he would send us a baby...Right? I remember after my first 2 miscarriages feeling completely certain that I had miscarried because I wasn't as good of a person as my family or friends who were getting pregnant and having babies. As this feeling grew inside me so did the bitter seed of resentment towards my Heavenly Father. I slowly stopped doing spiritual things because I was going to prove that I could get pregnant and have a baby without needing religion. This plan eventually led me to a hardened heart, a very closed mind and a feeling of emptiness. I was hurt and my Heavenly Father was to blame. I felt if He was truly mindful of me He would take pity on me and send me a baby. This is what my mind was telling me but not my heart.
Deep down I knew my Heavenly Father loved me and that He was there for me waiting for me to reach out to Him so He could give me strength to get through this trial. He was testing me and everything I had been taught from childhood at the same time! At least that is how it felt. Being able to accept that it was all a part of a plan of a Heavenly Father who loved me, was really hard. Mainly because it was not MY plan. I had to figure out what I was to learn from this experience. For each person what we are to learn is different but I feel there is a similar thread that runs through.
Letting go of our plans and accepting His will as our own.
How are we to know that He is really aware of us in the moments that we feel the most alone?
How do we trust in Him when we he has allowed us to spend the last however long feeling alone, sad, depressed and hopeless among other things. While I don't think there is one definite answer for everyone I will share the one that helped me the most.
FAITH
Faith is to have a belief in someone or something.
I had to hold on, sometimes by a thread, to what I already knew. My Heavenly Father loves me.
IF he really loves me why isn't his plan my plan? Why isn't his timing MY timing? Why couldn't he see that I was hurting so badly for a child. He had the power to send one to me if he wanted. I would eventually learn that I was missing the point. I needed to give up my pride and trust entirely in Him. I needed to give up my agenda and trust, say and mean the words "Thy will be done."
As I was able to commit this to memory and weed out the negative thoughts that came daily about how unfair the whole situation was, I found peace.
There are a lot of different things that happen in life that we have NO CONTROL over. Trying to gain or keep control is tiring and can leave room for the adversary to try and poison our souls. The moment we can pray for courage to accept His will, whatever it may be, is the moment we gain great power!
There will be days of struggle and thinking how stupid the whole situation is. On those days we can find peace in one little phrase.
LET IT GO...
and we can knowing that HE is taking care of us as a loving Father in Heaven would.
How do we trust in Him when we he has allowed us to spend the last however long feeling alone, sad, depressed and hopeless among other things. While I don't think there is one definite answer for everyone I will share the one that helped me the most.
FAITH
Faith is to have a belief in someone or something.
I had to hold on, sometimes by a thread, to what I already knew. My Heavenly Father loves me.
IF he really loves me why isn't his plan my plan? Why isn't his timing MY timing? Why couldn't he see that I was hurting so badly for a child. He had the power to send one to me if he wanted. I would eventually learn that I was missing the point. I needed to give up my pride and trust entirely in Him. I needed to give up my agenda and trust, say and mean the words "Thy will be done."
As I was able to commit this to memory and weed out the negative thoughts that came daily about how unfair the whole situation was, I found peace.
There are a lot of different things that happen in life that we have NO CONTROL over. Trying to gain or keep control is tiring and can leave room for the adversary to try and poison our souls. The moment we can pray for courage to accept His will, whatever it may be, is the moment we gain great power!
There will be days of struggle and thinking how stupid the whole situation is. On those days we can find peace in one little phrase.
LET IT GO...
and we can knowing that HE is taking care of us as a loving Father in Heaven would.
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