peace in hardships

You are lying in your bed looking up what size your little baby is and are suddenly hit with a pretty severe bout of anxiety.  You aren't sure why but you feel the need to call the doctor immediately. You leave a message and eventually someone calls you to see if you can come into the doctors office right then to get an ultrasound to just check on baby's heartbeat.  You get there and are feeling different.  You're not sure why but something if "off".  You have felt this feeling many times before but you really are hoping it's just anxiety.
The nurse calls you back and gets your vitals and weight.  Your blood pressure is high so she asks you to take some deep breaths and try to relax.  Of course it's high you have been internally freaking out all morning!  You do as she says and it is normal the second time.  She says "we'll give you some peace today."  You reply "I hope so."  Deep down you already know what is coming.  Once again you hope you are wrong.  After all there were no signs for you to believe that your baby no longer had a heartbeat.
You wait in an exam room for a few minutes on the verge of tears.  You get it together enough to walk the long walk into the ultrasound room.  The same room in which they told you about your miscarriage just over a year prior.  The doctor comes in and cannot find a heartbeat with the abdomen ultrasound.  He has to do a vaginal ultrasound.  You already know but are hanging on to a thread hoping he's not right.  He begins the ultrasound and there are 2 sacs.  The blighted ovum and a significantly larger sac with a baby inside...but no heartbeat.  He tries to listen for the heartbeat.  Silence.  You bite your tongue holding back the tears.  until he confirms.  "I'm sorry...I don't see a heartbeat."  The nurse present immediately grabs you hand and you cannot hold the flood of tears any longer.  "How did you know?"  he asks.  "Intuition?"  you shake your head yes.  Tears stream down your face as your biggest fears are confirmed.  You have miscarried once again.
The doctor is kind and gets everything arranged so you can have a d and c later that day mainly because its the eve of Christmas eve.
You make the long walk to the car and emotions erupt.  Now you get to call your husband and tell him the news.  You get the emotions as under control as possible and dial the number.  It rings and he answers.  You act casual until the emotions don't even permit you to speak.  You blurt out. "We miscarried again!"  Silence.  This is one of the hardest things you will have to do.  You wish you could hold it all in until Monday and let him know then but you really need his support now.  He is emotional with you for a minute and you decide to talk more later.
You have to get some stuff at the store and the entire time your there you are keenly aware of the pregnant lady walking down the aisle with her big baby bump and doting husband.  It makes you sad and yet strangely excited for the future.
All in all, today has been rough.  But I will tell you one thing.  Where there is hardship and trial.  There can be peace.
While my husband and I are sad and mourning the loss of yet another child we know that it is all for a reason.  A reason unknown by us.  We have come to learn to appreciate the time we have being pregnant.  We have come to appreciate all those around us.  We are so surrounded by amazing people who help buoy us up in the hardest of times.  We love and appreciate all of you.
At this time we ask that you understand our emotions and allow us our time to mourn and heal.  We know it's not the end of the journey.  We know there is a long road ahead.  We also know that we have 4 beautiful little babies waiting for us on the other side.